Its Been a Long Time

It has been a long time since I have written on my blog.

A lot has happened since then. I committed myself to the psych ward. I am sure it came to a shock to some people that there was actually something wrong with me. I don't know how to express the happiness I felt when they actually kept me longer than the normal 3 day hold. It kinda felt like an "I told you so."

After years of trying to tell people that I had issues, yes they are indeed all in my head, just not the way those people were thinking.  I am not normal, and I am not lazy or unwilling to do things that normal people do, I am unable to do them.  I would love to have the perfect life where I go to the park with my children, clean house regularly, keep appointments, go grocery shopping, sleep normal hours of the day, and actually be a responsible adult.  However, my life is not so clear cut. Instead I have severe mood swings, paranoia, and social anxiety issues. I would love to do all of the things a normal person does.

I Can't Make People See

I can't make people see whats wrong with me. Sure I have medical issues that doctors can see, diagnosed easily by an exam or an MRI. Why isn't it easier to make them see whats wrong on the inside. I can't put it into words. When I try to tell people whats wrong, they just tell me its mind over matter, its all in my head. Why can't people just understand that I am miserable. That it takes everything I have in me to just be here. That I use every bit of what I am, just doing what I do now, simply existing,  that I don't have anything else left afterward to try and fix myself. I know I need to do more. I want to do more. It's like my mental legs do not want to work. I try to take a step and find I can't move. Mentally that is, I simply can't take that step.

A psychologist once asked me what my biggest fear was, at the time I told her it that my biggest fear was being normal, that this was all in my head and nothing would change. Didn't she see I was crying out for help, help for something that I can't fix on my own. It's not as simple as changing the way I think. Now if you ask me what my biggest fear is, I would tell you that my biggest fear is that one day I won't be afraid to die.

This is not simple. There is no simple fix. This is years of me telling people I need help and being ignored or brushed off. I can't make people see what's on the inside, and I am tired of telling them.

Halloween: Makeup, Nails, and More

I love Halloween, it  happens to be one of my favorite holidays, and not just because of the candy. I love the makeup and seeing all the costumes people can come up with. Halloween used to be so great, with people decorating their yards with  miniature graveyards, cobwebs, spooky ghosts, and zombies rising out of the ground.
Now it seems more and more people do not even bother. They simply throw up some orange or purple string lights and put a couple pumpkins out front. Today you are lucky to see a carved pumpkin.

The next best thing to a creepy yard are the creepy ghouls and goblins you see walking the street on Halloween. Below are some videos that will hopefully inspire you to be the best ghoul you can be, or fairy princess.

I am seem to be drawn to special effects make up videos, as well as nail art videos. Over the past months quite a few have caught my eye and I thought I would share them with you for the Halloween season.

How To Add "Robin Moses, Nail Art Link" To Your Blog

For all of you Robin Moses fans with blogs of your own who would like to help Robin spread the word, here is how you can help.

The following steps are to make this  show up on your blog. Click the picture and see what happens.  Cool huh, now to add this to your blog follow the steps below.

The Queen of Nail Art: Robin Moses

Robin Moses, is, the unofficial and probably even the official "Queen of Nail Art."
Robin Moses, states on her YouTube videos that she has twenty some odd years of experience doing nails, if you can even call what she does simply doing nails. As seen here in her "Team Edward" nails.