I Feel a Little Looney Tunes

Well, I am expecting the top of my head to fly off, eyes to bug out, and smoke to start pouring out of my ears. You may ask why? Well, here's why.

We have all seen a Looney Tune's cartoon where a character eats something hot, someone makes them mad, or they simply do to many things at one time, then their eye will start to twitch, smoke blows out their ears, then the top of their head blows off and you hear a train whistle sound. I have the eye twitches, so the next step is smoke out of the ears, and the top of my head will simply fly off. I am not entirely sure if the whistle will sound or not. I just wish I could remember what made them better. I don't think sticking my head in a barrel of water will help much, and they never stated the length of time needed underwater for it to be therapeutic. I also cannot go on a rampage destroying things like the Tasmanian Devil, Taz, that would hardly be productive since that would just mean I would be stuck with a mess to clean up.

Random Ramblings

Oh, lets just see what could possibly be coming up from the depths inside Deathfairy/Heather's mind today.

It's sunny and warm today, and as much as I would like to go outside and work on the garden, I just don't seem to be able to drag up the energy to.

I am back on full doses of all my medications. So basically I am going to be poisoning myself for the next week or so until my body says that it can deal with that amount of poison. I guess it all comes down to making choices. Choice one is go back to being an emotional nutcase stuck on a roller-coaster of monstrous size, and choice two being I get to be an emotional nutcase stuck on a kiddie sized roller-coaster. I think I will choose choice two. That being said I know what the monster size coaster was like and have yet to ride the kiddie sized one.

Its Been a Long Time

It has been a long time since I have written on my blog.

A lot has happened since then. I committed myself to the psych ward. I am sure it came to a shock to some people that there was actually something wrong with me. I don't know how to express the happiness I felt when they actually kept me longer than the normal 3 day hold. It kinda felt like an "I told you so."

After years of trying to tell people that I had issues, yes they are indeed all in my head, just not the way those people were thinking.  I am not normal, and I am not lazy or unwilling to do things that normal people do, I am unable to do them.  I would love to have the perfect life where I go to the park with my children, clean house regularly, keep appointments, go grocery shopping, sleep normal hours of the day, and actually be a responsible adult.  However, my life is not so clear cut. Instead I have severe mood swings, paranoia, and social anxiety issues. I would love to do all of the things a normal person does.

I Can't Make People See

I can't make people see whats wrong with me. Sure I have medical issues that doctors can see, diagnosed easily by an exam or an MRI. Why isn't it easier to make them see whats wrong on the inside. I can't put it into words. When I try to tell people whats wrong, they just tell me its mind over matter, its all in my head. Why can't people just understand that I am miserable. That it takes everything I have in me to just be here. That I use every bit of what I am, just doing what I do now, simply existing,  that I don't have anything else left afterward to try and fix myself. I know I need to do more. I want to do more. It's like my mental legs do not want to work. I try to take a step and find I can't move. Mentally that is, I simply can't take that step.

A psychologist once asked me what my biggest fear was, at the time I told her it that my biggest fear was being normal, that this was all in my head and nothing would change. Didn't she see I was crying out for help, help for something that I can't fix on my own. It's not as simple as changing the way I think. Now if you ask me what my biggest fear is, I would tell you that my biggest fear is that one day I won't be afraid to die.

This is not simple. There is no simple fix. This is years of me telling people I need help and being ignored or brushed off. I can't make people see what's on the inside, and I am tired of telling them.

Halloween: Makeup, Nails, and More

I love Halloween, it  happens to be one of my favorite holidays, and not just because of the candy. I love the makeup and seeing all the costumes people can come up with. Halloween used to be so great, with people decorating their yards with  miniature graveyards, cobwebs, spooky ghosts, and zombies rising out of the ground.
Now it seems more and more people do not even bother. They simply throw up some orange or purple string lights and put a couple pumpkins out front. Today you are lucky to see a carved pumpkin.

The next best thing to a creepy yard are the creepy ghouls and goblins you see walking the street on Halloween. Below are some videos that will hopefully inspire you to be the best ghoul you can be, or fairy princess.

I am seem to be drawn to special effects make up videos, as well as nail art videos. Over the past months quite a few have caught my eye and I thought I would share them with you for the Halloween season.