July 18, 2011

I Wish I Could

I wish I could make my mind stop for just ten seconds out of the day when I am awake.

Just ten seconds. I talk so much because I have so much going on in my head. I sometimes find myself counting random objects just to make it stop sorting information. Yes, I know its a little OCD.

There is just so much information in my head, and I also cant seem to stop gathering information, about anything, about nothing. I read shampoo bottles, I read billboards, I look at license plates while driving. I am always looking at something and processing everything I see. I cant even write this blog without thinking about ten other things while I do it. I have already written it three times and erased half of it. My mind just wanders to another train of thought.

I am sure my constant stream of either me talking or typing can be annoying at times, I would say I am sorry, but I am not. Its just me being who I am and no one less. You can either like me, or hate me. Although I think hate is a really strong word and I dont often use it when talking about people. I dont think I have truly hated more than two people in my life, and they were worth hating.

See off I go on another side thought.

This is me,

I have the aura color Lavender, the dreamer, a person who has to literally fight to stay in this reality. I can sit there and listen to you talk and not hear one word you say. It's not because I dont care, its because its really hard for me to sit there and pay attention to what you're saying. You could be saying something about going to the store for ice cream, my mind goes, OOOO Ice cream, I like Ice cream, we used to make home made ice cream, I saw a show on how they make Ben and Jerry's, I love that show, I like watching shows on how things are made, ohhhh I just loved the show on how they made spoons, Spooon!!!, I so loved that movie Alice in Wonderland, where the March Hare, says Spoon, There is no spoon, then my brain is onto the movie the Matrix, who has Keanu Reeves in it, who also starred in Point Break, which me and my mother went to see at the movies when it first came out, she left the car lights on and the battery died, I am sure glad she didnt do that when we went to see Star Trek, she has been to see that 20 times before it left the theatres, my moms a huge Star Trek Fan. See that was me simply letting my mind wander.

So be glad you all get the edited version.

Thats simply what my mind goes through each time I hear certain words. Which it really doesnt matter what word. I guess my mind is constantly playing the Six Degrees of Separation game, but only I am playing at the time.

I always win lol.

Ok enough random rambling. Next time I hope its more coherent.


  1. I am so much like the DeathFairy. It is unreal. I read the shampoo bottles and all that. I don't hear people either because of  the same reason. Its so hard to try and not start thinking a million thoughts instead of hearing them. I never would have thought there was something wrote by someone else that is all about me. DeathFairy could be my Ghost writer. I can't write only talk and think and talk all about my thoughts. I was wondering why I go around on fb making comments to everyone and no one hardly ever does this to me. I get it and It is me.So its all good because I can't change who i am. I need you DeathFairy So I can learn more about myself because I just do it. I couldn't start to understand it. With you around I wont feel so alone. Thank you for everything. Do you go around  your home moving things around for hours. Like on one table or shelf. I will be doing stuff all day long but you can't tell that I have done anything unless you notice things like socks being in order by color. Or notice a shelf of lighthouses are in differnt spots on the same shelf. I need to at least dust/clean what I move around.I have tons of stuff that most people don't do. I will have to do the things because if I don't I'm bothered by it. Untill, I fix what ever it is at that time.

  2. I am not into collecting knick knacks. I am really allergic to dust, so things that gather dust just arent my thing, besides it would absolutely drive me nuts if I didnt have two of each item or at least an even number, I like symmetry, I like papers stacked. I dont even realize I am doing it sometimes. Once at my daughters school, I was talking to a lady in the office, and I had picked up a stack of fliers, straightened them and laid them back on the desk perfectly even with the edge before I even noticed what I was doing.  I am not a neatness nut by any standards. I do have certain things I do a certain way though. I also cant stand having soap on my hands. I dont know why, that or grease. I am not talking like car grease as I dont care a bit about getting dirty, I just dont like my hands to feel wet, or slimy. I even rinse my hands after washing my hair before rinsing my hair. 

    We all have our little quirks. Some are just a little more quirkier than others. 

    I would notice things in order by color lol. I was always the kid who took all the crayons and if they were mixed up I would put them back in the box by color. LOL. 

    I also have a love of patterns.  number patterns, color patterns. I look for patterns in things. 

    Coins are fun, if I am holding coins in my hand, I tend to stack them from biggest to smallest.  


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