February 22, 2013

Icky Icky Lithium

I suffer from Bi Polar I. Yes, I mean suffer, because that is exactly what it is making me do, suffer. 
I have yet to learn to live with this disorder. Sure, I have learned to cope with it, and go about my daily business to an extent.  I am no where back to where I was when I was younger, before this kicked in, but I seriously doubt I will ever be back to that point mentally. First, I have grown mentally since then.  Has that mental growth made it harder to deal with my disorder, possibly. Has it helped in other ways?  Maybe.  Who knows. 
Right now all I know is that the medication that is supposed to fix my mental disorder is killing me physically.  I have the shakes, bad.  Most would say this is a sign that my medication is in fact poisoning me. I agree and disagree.  Sure, it is a poison that I am putting in my system, but it seems to keep me on a somewhat stable plane of existence. As long as the poisoning is minor the doctors don't seem to see a problem with it, so I guess I should just take these minor symptoms knowing what the alternative is.
The alternative for me is going into a state of either mania or severe depression. 
So I will continue to take the hated Lithium and put up with its side effects simply so I can stay in the world of normalcy like the rest of the normal humans. Tell me again where the fun lies in that? 

End rant for now. 

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