June 26, 2013

Gaslighting the Mentally Unstable?

I sat here perusing my Facebook page when I came across an article about  Why Women Aren't Crazy, and it's basically people (cough cough, men) gaslighting women.  To better understand what I am talking about you must first understand the term gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity.  (Full Article on wiki Here)
I will mainly talk about the comments men make that pertain to the relationship, you know the ones that make our minds go into overtime with jealousy, paranoia, worry, the list could go on.

All women have been a victim of gaslighting a few times in their life, I know I myself have, the difference is I have  several issues with my mental stability in the first place.  I have been diagnosed with Bi Polar I, and more recently PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  Paranoia is one of my worst symptoms, along with uncontrollable anger, and general mistrust of people.

 I have often wondered how much of my mental instability is others telling me that I am overreacting and I actually am. How much of my "overreacting"  is them using my mental status to basically fuck with my head, whether its on purpose or not, to get themselves out of "trouble", or how much of what they say is actually the truth and my paranoid mind won't listen. 

I actually screamed at my boyfriend (well not screamed, I spoke forcefully) because he was sitting there telling me I was overreacting (which I actually wasn't by my own standards, which might not be accurate, giggle).  I told him to stop messing with my head (ok seeing it written down makes me seem a little nuts) and to not make me seem crazier than I already was.  I told him to basically stop trying to gaslight a person who self admittingly gaslights herself on a daily basis as is. By the previous statement,  I mean I constantly argue with myself over what is real, blown out of proportion, or simply not real at all and I sometimes wonder whether I have convinced myself to think a certain way because I am trying to not be paranoid,  when I should have gone with my gut reaction. So the question is what effects would gaslighting have on a person like me or the millions of other women out there who truly do have a mental issue? 

It truly is enough to make a sane person go insane if they were not already in the first place. I mean come on, I don't even believe what goes on in my own head half the time, how do you ever expect me to take what you say at face value?  Does this mean I am immune to gaslighting, more susceptible to it, or simply just fucked either way I go?

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