I Truly Am Loosing It

I am truly loosing it. By loosing it of course I mean my mind, what else would I be talking about because I surely am not loosing weight.

For the past several years I have been experiencing more and more episodes of Deja Vu. Sure, I may just be more aware of the episodes and therefor noticing them more often rather than actually experiencing them more often. Ok, that last sentence might be confusing to some so I will explain a little. I said I was more aware thereby noticing them more, and that sounds a little odd. What I meant that I might have previously had numerous episodes and never really paid much attention to them so the episodes I was experiencing were not cataloged by my brain. Ok, I am confusing myself now, lol.  Let me try again. Ok, it can be raining outside, a constant drizzle which you don't pay attention to because its a quiet drizzle, but then it starts to rain harder with bigger rain drops so then you take notice. The fact that it started to rain bigger rain drops which you now notice does not mean that there are MORE raindrops just that the raindrops now are more noticeable than before. So, now my Deja Vu episodes have possibly become a harder rainfall and therefor more noticeable. I told you I was loosing it. Other theories for Deja Vu are that Deja Vu are checkpoints in our lives that were set by Fate or even our previous self from a former life, to let us know that we are on the right track, the track of our life that we are supposed to be on. So great I have either spirits or Fate telling me I am where I am supposed to be.  I still think I am loosing it however.  Now on to the next reason I think I am loosing it, I find myself glancing at the digital clock and at least once a day it comes up in triple numbers.

When I mention triple numbers I mean, 3:33, 5:55, or 7:77.  I do not sit there and look at the clock all that often as my day isn't usually filled with reasons to look at a clock, such as work or appointments. I look at different times each day and at least one of those times it comes up triple numbers.  I do not know why this is bothering me so bad except for the fact that it happens once a day and to a paranoid mind I am convinced it means something.  Sure I think the Deja Vu episodes are a sign of something wrong with my brain. Now, I wonder what is causing the number issue. It surely cannot possibly be something inside me causing it, it has to be external or just mere coincidence. However, when you look it up on the internet you mainly come up with the theory about 11:11, which brings up the "Midwayers", or spirit beings which cause us to look at clocks at specific times so that we can see these triple digits. On some religious sites they call them (midwayers) demons and others call them spirit guides and healers.

So great, now not only do I have spirits telling me I am where I am supposed to be in life but I also have spirits sending me signals through my digital clock.  I am agnostic I do not believe in God or Satan, angels or demons. However, I do believe I am going nuts. As if I did not have enough issues with my mind now I have this too.

Maybe I should just quit looking for info. Maybe I am making myself go wacko. Maybe I am not wacko at all, but I am simply trying to make sense of a world I cannot make sense of in the first place.  Maybe I notice too much and need to stop paying so much attention to the things around me, as it evidently is not healthy for my state of mind and peace of mind.

I think I might like to read "The Urantia Book", where the Midwayers are mentioned. It sounds like a very interesting read.  The Urantia Book (Wikipedia)
Even though it seems much of it might be plagiarized (gathered from different sources)  it seems to be an interesting book.

Outdoor Showers and Kerosine Lamps

I wasn't raised the way most young girls are raised.

When I was young and it was warm out, it was normal to make sure to take your showers before it got too dark and the light faded from the sky, mainly because our shower was outside.  Our "summer" shower consisted of a fifty gallon drum that sat on a scaffold in the back of our house. Well, it was in the front but people had a habit of coming down our long drive way causing whoever was taking a shower at the time to run for the house covered in soap. The best way to take an outside shower was to do it fast, in other words get wet, soap up, and rinse off, hopefully before the water got to cold since it was only warmed by the sun and usually not very warm at that.