I thought if I had to leave the person I loved that I would be miserable. Ha, I could not have been more wrong. I mean it was a toxic relationship. I loved him, he probably didn't love me back, if he did, he sure as hell didn't show it often enough. So, I finally moved out and on with my life. I can't keep the smile off my face. I wish I had done this months ago. No more wondering if he loves me back. I can move forward.I don't think we realize how stuck we are till we become free from what has us stuck.
Whether it's our jobs, relationship, or a certain situation, if it's not putting a smile on your face most of the time then we should ask ourselves if it's really worth it. We all deserve to be happy, if we can't smile at what life throws at us, then maybe it's time to make a change. We get comfortable and complacent. Life is meant to be lived, not just coasted through.
Great, now I sound like a motivational poster. Oh well, just remember to smile, take one day at a time and don't just stay where you are in life, be happy in life, it's the only one you're going to get.
May 23, 2015
April 28, 2015
I Would Love to Meet You
I would love to get to know my readers better, so I am inviting you to share your stories, experiences, or simply just a little about yourself. Feel free to email me at pinkysmomheather@yahoo.com and share as much or little with me as you want. I may share your story with my readers if that's okay with you, feel free to include or leave out your name, or simply say do not share. I am trying to get an idea of who my readers are. Please feel free to ask or tell me anything, I am a good listener and sometimes even give good advice when asked for it. I would love to hear from my readers, share photos (no totally nude shots, please), art work, poems, short stories, etc. Do you have hobbies? What books do you like to read, what music do you listen to? Are there any topic you would be interested in? What do you like about my blog?
I would really like to interact more with the people who read my tiny little blog, which is really just my version of therapy, lol.
I hope to hear from all the other imaginary people out there. Thanks for reading.
Simply Heather (Aka DeathFairy)
I would really like to interact more with the people who read my tiny little blog, which is really just my version of therapy, lol.
I hope to hear from all the other imaginary people out there. Thanks for reading.
Simply Heather (Aka DeathFairy)
April 12, 2015
I Am Sorry
I am sorry that I have not been posting more posts, I only have internet on my phone at the present time and it is proving a little hard to write on my blog using a phone.
Life is crazy as always and so am I. I didn't realize how much I had really gone off my meds until I went to refill them and saw that I had been working on the same thirty day supply for three months. Oops. Well my asshole doctor (whom I have since quit seeing) said that I could lower my dose if I wanted to. I think I have simply been working too much to have time to go crazy. I have noticed it lately though, crying in the shower so no one can see and if my eyes are red it's the soap that got into them. Although I think I am now a pro at crying quietly to myself. Damn now my eyes are watering because I just rubbed them with leftover salt from tortilla chips or salsa that I just ate. Holy Hell that burns, I don't recommend that.
Onto the rest of my life. I am still in purgatory. Still loving someone who is either incapable of loving me or just incapable of showing it. Sometimes I think he might, while other times I don't even know if he is aware that I am around. As I said purgatory.
Maybe if I go back on my full dose of meds I will see things the way they are and have the strength to move on, as of now I don't. I have to find a new doctor, one who listens and actually believes what he practices, which I don't think my last one did.
Well on a good note it seems having to use my phone to blog might be faster than typing on a keyboard since it has word suggestions. It pretty much tells me what to say next. Maybe that will be my next blog post, a completely suggested blog post using only suggested words, you never know it might be fun. Well till next time, stay crazy, be yourself because that is all you can be.
Life is crazy as always and so am I. I didn't realize how much I had really gone off my meds until I went to refill them and saw that I had been working on the same thirty day supply for three months. Oops. Well my asshole doctor (whom I have since quit seeing) said that I could lower my dose if I wanted to. I think I have simply been working too much to have time to go crazy. I have noticed it lately though, crying in the shower so no one can see and if my eyes are red it's the soap that got into them. Although I think I am now a pro at crying quietly to myself. Damn now my eyes are watering because I just rubbed them with leftover salt from tortilla chips or salsa that I just ate. Holy Hell that burns, I don't recommend that.
Onto the rest of my life. I am still in purgatory. Still loving someone who is either incapable of loving me or just incapable of showing it. Sometimes I think he might, while other times I don't even know if he is aware that I am around. As I said purgatory.
Maybe if I go back on my full dose of meds I will see things the way they are and have the strength to move on, as of now I don't. I have to find a new doctor, one who listens and actually believes what he practices, which I don't think my last one did.
Well on a good note it seems having to use my phone to blog might be faster than typing on a keyboard since it has word suggestions. It pretty much tells me what to say next. Maybe that will be my next blog post, a completely suggested blog post using only suggested words, you never know it might be fun. Well till next time, stay crazy, be yourself because that is all you can be.
January 15, 2015
It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin...
I went through a slightly mad period. When I say mad I don't mean angry, I mean crazy, wacko, bonkers, well you get it.
I haven't been on my meds like I should, yeah, I know I am bad girl.
So the other day we were watching a show about the whole UFO-alien structures on the moon thing. I do not watch conspiracy type shows as a rule because they tend to get me all wound up. Well, when I start to get riled up, in other words anxious, I start noticing smells, well not noticing so much as I start to worry about smells. My first line of defense when this happens is chewing gum.
it helps me relax a little, I sometimes chew gum. I sometimes chew gum when going to bed. I go through several anxiety caused rituals like this. Often I will put deodorant on, lotion, spray perfume, shower, wash my hands, or brush my teeth. Needless to say I worry about smell.
Well after watching this show caused my anxiety to go up I went straight for the lotion, and started to rub it on my arms, thinking the whole time how many times I had done this before. I did it every hour while in the mental hospital. The thought that what I was doing and why I was doing it made me start to laugh. Because you have to admit it is kinda crazy, sitting there laughing while rubbing lotion on my skin because of a tv show which only made me think of the movie Silence of the Lambs. So basically the only thoughts in my head were "I am mad" and "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again".
Ok, so this whole story might not make much sense to anyone else, but then I write this down for me. Also, I never claimed to be sane, normal, or a cookie cutter.
I haven't been on my meds like I should, yeah, I know I am bad girl.
So the other day we were watching a show about the whole UFO-alien structures on the moon thing. I do not watch conspiracy type shows as a rule because they tend to get me all wound up. Well, when I start to get riled up, in other words anxious, I start noticing smells, well not noticing so much as I start to worry about smells. My first line of defense when this happens is chewing gum.
it helps me relax a little, I sometimes chew gum. I sometimes chew gum when going to bed. I go through several anxiety caused rituals like this. Often I will put deodorant on, lotion, spray perfume, shower, wash my hands, or brush my teeth. Needless to say I worry about smell.
Well after watching this show caused my anxiety to go up I went straight for the lotion, and started to rub it on my arms, thinking the whole time how many times I had done this before. I did it every hour while in the mental hospital. The thought that what I was doing and why I was doing it made me start to laugh. Because you have to admit it is kinda crazy, sitting there laughing while rubbing lotion on my skin because of a tv show which only made me think of the movie Silence of the Lambs. So basically the only thoughts in my head were "I am mad" and "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again".
Ok, so this whole story might not make much sense to anyone else, but then I write this down for me. Also, I never claimed to be sane, normal, or a cookie cutter.
December 30, 2014
Life Is Crazy, But So Am I
Life is crazy, and I think you must be a little crazy to just make it through.
How crazy is simply too much to handle though? I think we can handle anything life throws at us, we just need to be just crazy enough to laugh in life's face and tell it to kindly kiss your ass, it's not gonna take you lying down, but kicking, screaming, and cackling like a mad person the whole way.
How crazy is simply too much to handle though? I think we can handle anything life throws at us, we just need to be just crazy enough to laugh in life's face and tell it to kindly kiss your ass, it's not gonna take you lying down, but kicking, screaming, and cackling like a mad person the whole way.
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